Following recent events in the other country, I telephone my holiday insurance company to make a claim for stolen items:

 

 

Me: hello, I’d like to make a claim

Her: this will take around 15 minutes. Is that ok?

Me: is this a local call?

Her: what do you mean? You’re calling mmmmmst

Me: sorry, I didn’t quite understand. What am I calling?

Her: Mauritius

Me: Right. So not a local call then?

Her: Hold the line … deafening music unsuitable for those with ear problems

Her: Shall I call you back?

Somewhat surprisingly, she did.

Her: can I call you Alison or Ms Green?

Me: you can call me Alison

Her: Well, Ms Alison, were you at home when this occurred?

Me: well no, I was in France.

Her: what were you doing there?

Me: I was on holiday. I’m claiming from my holiday insurance.

Her: what was stolen?

Me: my reading glasses

Her: do you have a picture of your sunglasses?

Me: No – they were my READING glasses

Her: do you have a picture of your reading glasses?

Me: no

Her: don’t you have a picture of you wearing your reading glasses?

I’ll just get a picture of someone wearing glasses off the net then

Her: what else?

Me: my wallet

Her: do you have a picture of your wallet?

Me: do you have a picture of YOUR wallet?

Her: no, of course not.

Me: well then

Her: have you got a bill for the wallet?

Me: it was a gift

Her: can you get the person who gave you the wallet to write a letter saying how much it was?

(I phone my mother who gave me the wallet and ask whether she could write a letter to this effect.

Mother: I don’t know how much it cost

Me: well can you write to say it was £25?

Mother: oh no, I wouldn’t have spent that much

Me: cheapskate)

Her: what else?

Me: well 110 euro.

Her: have you got a statement to prove this?

Me: no

Her: I’m very sorry for your loss