Anyone remember that song by Billy Joel – We didn’t start the fire? Loved it but, and I can tell you this first hand, having seen him several times, he hates it. Playing to and for the audience, Joel always reaches a point in the show where he asks for requests. And, as everyone knows Piano Man will be the finale, we scream for our history lesson.

I’m not going to be the first person to say ‘been there’ done that’. Or maybe I am. I’m a once ardent, but now diminishing fan of Woman’s Hour. It doesn’t help that I once considered myself a sociologist. When I wore a younger woman’s clothes (aka the ‘me too’ lyrics of Piano Man), I thought I knew how to deal with the world. Then I got a bit savvy – a euphemism for experiencing life in all its realities. Then I got even more savvy and realised that I knew enough French to realise that ‘savvy’ is a derivation of ‘savoir faire’. Worse, I went to France for a year and discovered the impossibility of locating a French national who could adequately explain the difference between ‘savoir’ and ‘connaitre’. They ‘know’ but it’s top secret.

All this waffling drivel is recorded in the light of two of today’s experiences. The first is a tiresome cold which, like We didn’t start the fire, goes on and on and on. I visit the pharmacy to seek healing. Of course, back in the day, we used to call it the chemist’s. In fact, back in the day, we used to say ‘in the old days’ but that’s a bit ageist. Or some other excuse. The pharmacist’s advice is ‘better out than in’. It’s a bit like when you used to feel poorly they’d say ‘get it down, it’ll do you good’. And ten minutes later, ‘bring it up, you’ll feel much better’.

The second is trying to purchase some Friday night wine with your visa card only to be told that ‘visa has gone down all over Europe’. And being so drunk on the thought that you might imminently be drunk, you think the price of plonk has decreased if you use the piece of green plastic. Further, the explanation that some ridiculous football show in Russia is somehow linked to the inability to purchase wine in the hinterlands of Dorset. For once those barbarians in Russia, having successfully entrapped the likes of Linekar and his cronies, a dreadful attack on our well-being will ensue.

Wait, is this the cold war? Again? How tedious to be a child of the first round, let alone the second. Same old, same old. Is there nothing left with which to control the plebs apart from re-runs? Is there nothing new you have to offer? It’s a pretty poor show. Twas ever thus.

And just in case you can’t remember, here are the lyrics of Billy Joel’s history lesson: https://www.google.co.uk/search?source=hp&ei=hpsRW8aOC6HL6AS9qYqQCA&q=we+didn%27t+start+the+fire+lyrics&oq=we+didn%27t&gs_l=psy-ab.1.1.0l10.1344.4457.0.7359.10.8.0.1.1.0.206.1203.0j7j1.8.0….0…1c.1.64.psy-ab..1.9.1279.0..0i131k1.0.HNs0VxlcvP0https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g

and here’s the video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFTLKWw542g