‘Any word from the hospital’, enquired Mole?

‘Serious foot surgery’, replied Ratty. ‘The doctor’s had to construct prosthetic toes’.

‘Will Toad be able to stand up again’, asked Mole?

‘Depends on how much he’s had to drink’, Ratty replied.

‘The doctor?’

‘Mole’, asked Ratty, ‘do you get the feeling we’re being watched?’

‘I know something you don’t know’, said Alice smugly.

‘Doubtful’, said Ratty. ‘We know she just tried to buy her Friday night wine with a Visa card. We can hear her thrashing around inside’.

‘What’s a Visa’, asked Mole?

‘Something the new man might need’, answered Alice enigmatically.

Ratty took a step backwards: ‘new man? I told you someone was watching us’.

‘There he is ‘, exclaimed Alice.

‘Morning men’, said Badger.

‘#me too’, cried Alice.

‘Are you sure’, asked ratty?

‘Morning Alice’, said Badger. Mole gulped.

‘Splendid day, men’, mused Badger.

‘Any news of Toad, Sir’, enquired Ratty?

‘Toad is back on his feet and the doctor sends a missive to say he’s recovering well with the help of his wine merchant’, reported Badger.

‘Who’s that next to Mr Badger’, asked Mole? ‘He looks a bit calcified’.

‘That’s a big word’, said Alice’.

‘No whispering in the ranks’, said Badger sternly.

‘Challenging news from the hospital’, reported Badger. ‘Apparently Toad was in recovery until the doctor tapped his head to wake him up’.

‘What happened, Sir’, asked Ratty?

‘Well’, said Badger, ‘seems that Toad fell off his feet again. Splints in the legs don’t you know. They’ve ordered a special fixative from Northern Ireland’.

‘Did they get permission from the DUP’, asked Alice?

‘Who’s that woman with Badger’, asked Mole?

‘Arlene Foster’, informed Ratty.

‘She’s not wearing much’, commented Mole.

‘It’s summer’, said Ratty.

‘News is flooding in’, said Badger.

‘It’s difficult to keep up’, observed Mole. ‘Things used to be so quiet around here’.

‘Firstly’, continued Badger, ignoring the heckler, ‘it seems that the doctor fell over on Wareham Quay. Someone picked him up. No damage done’.

‘I’m surprised anyone noticed’, said Alice. ‘There are prostrate drunks all over Wareham Quay’.

‘Secondly’, continued Badger with intent, ‘Toad has sent a missive reporting that, following plastic surgery, he’s ready to be collected despite feeling a bit damp here and there’.

‘Aren’t toads supposed to be damp’, asked Alice?

‘Do you think someone should cut back that rosemary’, asked Mole?

‘Saturday, Saturday night’s alright for fighting’, sang Toad.

‘Take it steady old boy’, advised Badger. ‘The doc’s coming for lunch tomorrow and we want you on your feet’.

‘I’m still standing’, hummed Toad.

‘But for how long’, queried Badger?

‘He’s a bit bossy’, whispered Toad. ‘When did he arrive?’